The Stone Detective: “My stone floor is shooting at me!”
Frederick M. Hueston, PhD
I have been in the stone and tile business for nearly 40 years. I have had a stone restoration company, a stone fab shop and installation business, and I have never experienced what I witnessed this past week, in person.
It all began while sipping a cup of joe at my favorite greasy spoon. Yep, they’re open again. The regulars were all chatting and telling the same old stories — six feet apart, though. The retired admiral was attempting to flirt with Flo, which was funny cause she would just roll her eyes and wave him off. I guess that’s what I have to look forward to in my old age. I’m getting there, but not quite there yet.
Just as I was headed out the door my phone rang. “Stone Detective here,” I answered. The voice on the other end was a person who sounded like she just inhaled some helium gas from a party balloon. I almost laughed as she continued, “My marble floor is doing something really strange – It looks like it’s starting to buckle in the middle of my living room. Can you come out and take a look?”
I wanted to inhale some helium myself, and answer her with my best “OH MY!” Mickey Mouse impression, but I kept it professional. I told her I could arrive out there that morning. I got the address, hopped in the old Woody and headed down the road. The entire trip I was wondering why her voice sounded like Mickey Mouse.
I arrived at her house and, I kid you not, she had an big, engraved brass Mickey Mouse door knocker on her front door. This is going to be interesting, I thought.
I used the door knocker, and the lady I spoke with on the phone answered the door wearing… you guessed it — a Micky Mouse t-shirt. She squeaked, “Hello!” and I just about lost it — I could barely keep a straight face. As I stood there in the foyer, I looked around and saw what I would describe as a Disney Shrine. There were posters of Disney movies, some Disney animation cels, a display case of Disney figurines, and there was a huge picture window with an etching of what looked like a scene from 101 Dalmatians. As she led me into the living room, she told me that she got my name from a friend of hers who I did some work for a few years back.
I smiled and quietly said, “Well, it’s a small world after all.” She turned and looked at me with a sour expression, and then started humming, “It’s a Small World After All,” while giving me the stink-eye. Let me tell you, that tripped my weird-o meter right off the scale.
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There are many ways a tile installation can go bad, but tile tenting and exploding is one of the more dramatic "tile fails.” |
As we walked into the living room I heard a loud popping sound. It sounded like someone was firing a repeating pop gun in the house. The sounds were so loud that I ducked and almost ran for cover. As I flinched I noticed that the tile in the middle of the floor had exploded right in front of me! If only I had my camera on to capture it! I did find a similar video that shows pretty much what I experienced. (Check it out at my video blog number 6- Proper Perimeter or Expansion Joints- at blogtalkradio.com/drfred – or you can just go to Youtube and search for The Stone and Tile Video blog.
I have heard many stories of tiles popping and making these sounds, but I had never witnessed one myself– until now. As I looked around, the lady looked like she had gone into shock. She looked at me and said, “Oh my, that was scary.” At this point I knew exactly what happened. I explained to her that the installer did not use the proper expansion joints in the installation. When the walls contract, it places pressure on the tile causing it to pop. The pressure on the tile reaches a point where it just “lets go.”
At this point I was tempted to pull up the song “Let It Go” from Frozen on my cell phone, but that would be Goofy. (Sorry, just couldn’t resist that one.) I told her the entire installation would need to be torn out and replaced. Another case solved – Zip-a-de-do-dah!
The Stone Detective is a fictional character created by Dr. Frederick M. Hueston, PhD, written to entertain and educate. Dr. Fred has written over 33 books on stone and tile installations, fabrication and restoration and also serves as an expert for many legal cases across the world.
Fred has also been writing for the Slippery Rock for over 20 years.
Send your comments to fhueston@stoneforensics.com.